a-l-stellhorn@msn.com
Keep your eyes open for spiritual danger; stand true to the Lord; act like men; be strong; and whatever you do, do it with kindness and love.” 1 Corinthians 16: 13-14 (Part of Paul’s final instructions)
KEEPING WATCH FOR SPIRITUAL DANGER
First, let me start out by telling you this is not the scripture I intended to refer to in this column. I had my Bible open and then the phone rang. When I finished with the call I looked down to start typing and my page was open to 1 Corinthians so I just looked for the 14 verse of Chapter 16 and there it is, above. I do not see how the pages were turned, so I assume the following is what I am suppose to write.
This week has been an up and down one for me, we all have those weeks, days, months, or even years. Really should not be writing about myself, however, there is, perhaps, something God wants me to write for someone, maybe even for myself. For you see, before I begin to “listen” to what I am suppose to write I pray for the verse, the words and then the final draft. That is the way I do things.
In late May of this year, my cardiologist diagnosed me with Left Bundle Branch Block of my heart. The cardiologist told me what a bad heart I had, however, I did not look like this heart should belong to me. I had a heart catherization, which, I think I mentioned before in something, I wrote and it was a “piece of cake.” I am not blocked. The doctor actually told me he had hoped I was because then they could have fixed my heart.
Needless to say, since June of 2009 this has been an up and down journey for me. Of course, I went through the stages one does when one finds out “we are NOT divine after all.” Which, of course, I knew all along. I know the day I had my brain scan and my EKG I joked with the brain scan technician about how I hoped my heart was the one, not my brain, because after all, one can get a new heart. Well, it does not seem very funny to me now.
God has definitely taken care of me by having many folks, some; I would say most, I have never personally met, be kind, loving and wonderful to me. My dearest friend in the world is there for me, and my family, although, sometimes I think my family just does not get it. My one son keeps saying, “But you are ok Mom.” AND, you know what, I am because God loves me as He loves each of us and will never leave me/us alone.
I pray a lot and KNOW I am going to Heaven, sinner that I am, but I think I do not want to go too soon. God has a plan! I/We must all be patient.
That plan included this week me going goofy because I let myself entertain the little fellow that likes to get us all worked up and cry, and whine, and get all crazy about something one cannot control.
The lesson here I want to tell folks is that God is always there for you. Even if you break the chain that binds you to God, He does not let go, you do.
Let go is what I did this week when I found out that 3 years and 2 months ago I had this bad heart, yes, indeed, I did. I just felt moved to see the results of my EKG before my breast cancer surgery. So, I called the hospital and then to my utter dismay found out my file had been put in someone else’s file and their’s in mine. No one told me, going into that surgery, that I had an abnormal EKG. My primary never told and I even asked him once about some symptoms that I thought might be heart related and he told me they were not. NOW THIS IS WHERE I MUST WATCH OUT FOR THE SPIRITUAL DANGER THAT LURKS ABOUT US ALL!
AND THIS IS WHERE I MUST STAND TRUE TO THE LORD AND ACT LIKE A "LADY" AND BE STRONG. Therefore, you can imagine what fun old man devil was having with this one. I just sat in my car and cried in the parking lot of that hospital. I had about a 20-mile drive home and finally stopped at 5:55 P.M. and called my vet.
“Called your vet?” you might ask. Well, he is my spiritual person I go to when the chips are really down, this man is a believer first class, this man has a heart of gold, a magnificent demeanor with animals and people and he took the time, at the end of his busy day, to listen to me and pray with me over the phone. Praise God for Dr. Dan!!!!
Blubbering after I got home, I called my dear friend Charlotte and told her. She, as well as Dr. Dan gave me the same advice. Pray upon this and let go of this or you will damage your heart more. She has many health problems and she told me she concentrates on “living” not dying.
“Is that what I had been doing?” I asked myself. Of course, the answer to that is a hardy “YES!”
Instead of focusing on the blessings God has given me, I was wallowing in self-pity, allowing the bad guy to take control of my life.
Yes, the hospital is in grave error for messing up the files, I am furious with the doctors that did not tell me about my bad heart. However, as everyone I spoke with told me, “You are alive, focus on that.”
We allow the evil swirl of blackened doubt to creep into our minds and mess us up. Here I tore my heart to pieces, so to speak, in worry, anger and fret, and all along God was right there, the Holy Spirit was speaking to me and I was just hiding among the grime with the old man devil relishing in my own quagmire of pity that I was “too blind too see.”*
Oh, how I love the words from “Amazing Grace” *and somehow how those words skipped right into my soul, along side the ugly blackish smoke, last evening soothing my soul:
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see."
John Newton
Funny how we humans react at times of stress. I think I was suppose to find out about the mess up…..not to cause me worry, but to show me how God is really in control of our lives. For 3 years and 2 months He was watching over me. For you see, now I take a very high powered medicine, eat much better, and all in all am taking better care of myself.
"Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home."
John Newton
Those footprints we hear about on the sand, well, yes indeed, those footprints are there all along the path from April 2006 to May 2009, when I finally found out the truth.
Take it from one who has walked the walk, first trust in God, second, listen to the Holy Spirit, third, do not be afraid to bother those who love you. They will set your wobbly self back on the right path. Fourth, do not be afraid to take care of yourself and if you have medical problems, have questions, seek and find out, because God, the Holy Spirit and you are really your only true advocates. Humans mess up, we must forgive them/ourselves, but they/we cannot go on doing things that cause others any harm.
"The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and porton be...
as long as life endures."
John Newton
I do not know if I was harmed or not, I will find out next week, Oct. 21st. I cannot go back and fix it, I can only say “Thank you God,” and shame on you, those who messed up and pray they do not mess up again. I cannot and absolutely must not carry this suitcase full of anger around with me. AND THIS IS WHERE I MUST ACT IN KINDNESS AND LOVE FORGIVING AND LETTING GO OF THE PAST EXPERIENCE.
My son keeps telling me I am fine….I am not fine, (healthwise) however, I do believe in that plan God has for me and I have not fulfilled it yet.
So, I pray you always keep watch and never, I mean NEVER forget our dear Father, His Son, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit are ALWAYS there for us, never, never be afraid. They will comfort you and sustain, if only YOU let them.
When we've been there ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun.
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me...
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see."
John Newton (Slave ship captain,
who became an Anglican Priest and
lived a life of poverty, even
scrubbing the floors of his church)
Copyright Leigh Moran
